just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
