why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
