My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
