I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
