He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize