I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
