Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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