You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have aggressive nipples.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
