No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
