the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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