Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize