I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
