piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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