woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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