if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize