I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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