New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
