If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize