i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Randomize
