If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
