yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
