We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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