lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
