ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
