Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it was like eating out sand paper
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You need Xanax blowdarts
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize