I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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