I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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