im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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