I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do vagina's smell?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
