i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
