We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize