just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
