I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
