Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
