in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
