Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
