I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
