dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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