exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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