We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
