we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
