no, he came in my armpit
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
