I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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