You can't motorboat a personality
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
