Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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