i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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