What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
