I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
