Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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