i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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