Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
