you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
FUCK WHALES
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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