operation harelip BJ is a go
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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