Kiss
Puke
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
