I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
