I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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