woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
