I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
