Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
