i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
