FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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