i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
