Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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