So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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