were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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