yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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