worst night to have a conscience
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
