If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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