I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
