You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
