You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
