I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
