Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
