brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
