I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
