dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
