direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
