Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
