my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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