dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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