Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
