Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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