Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
This girl is more easily done than said...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
