Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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