I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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