Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize