yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
