my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
