I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
