Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize