remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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