you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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