no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
